Things I've Learned at Home

As a recent college graduate, I figured that my learning would end once I left the beautiful campus of the place I'd called home for the past four years.  How very, very wrong I was.

1. The day you really want to go to the library, it'll be closed for a library institute day.  You'll try going at 9 the next day, only to realize it doesn't open until noon.
2. Old people will glare at you if you drive across parking spaces in the parking lot.  They will also glare at you when you start driving across the intersection when they're crossing the street NOT at the corner!
3. Small children will attack when you're innocently trying to recycle paper.
4. Your 5 books are only worth $2.  All together.
5. The local Barnes and Noble doesn't have a poetry section, though it does have an entire set of shelves devoted to "teen paranormal romance."
6. It has to get worse before it'll start looking better.
7. No, I don't need a copy of the script from a show I wasn't actually in, I just stage managed...because I'm never going to need to call those light cues again.
8. Don't worry if it looks like you've made zero progress with cleaning your room...that's just a sign that you have a lot of stuff to sift through.
9. If you ask your dad really nicely, he'll fill up the bike's tires with air before you even get home.
10. The alternative music radio station will resurrect itself just in time for you to listen to it on a bike ride.
11. The radio in your car will never work again.  Ever.  Because you're home and you want to listen to it.
12. That car sitting next to the school bus that almost hit you?  She wasn't watching the school bus.  She will also almost hit you.
13. If you're helping your dad with the balcony, make sure those unsecure boards you sit on are out of his reach, or he'll try messing with you.
14. Spiders can drown in the washer.
15. Cookie sheets can burn you.
16. You might be judged based on the titles of the books you take out from the library.
17. If you start one romance novel in a series, you will have to read the rest of the series just to find out what happens to the rest of the characters.
18. Most Parisians are kind and helpful and genuinely don't want to see you wandering around sad and lost in their city.
19. Your boyfriend will remember this:  http://xkcd.com/201/ and it'll be awesome.
20. If you're standing next to someone nice in the line for the Amtrak, they'll give you the window seat because you talked about it.  On your return trip, you will meet Ben, and he will be awkward.
21. People are stupid.  Sometimes they're related to you.
22. You will see Fifty Shades of Gray everywhere.  Yes.  Even Kroger.  Though not at Menard's.
23. You will get a "nod" at Menard's.  Possibly because you're wearing a zombie bandana.
24. Time moves really oddly over the summer.
25. You will be in every picture/video of the front row at a concert for a band you only know 3 songs for (though you will be surrounded by people who have attended (collectively) over 200 of their concerts).
26. Ekphrasis is haaaaard....  And you will be thankful when the Pinterest poems are over.
27. You are a reading machine.
28. It doesn't matter when you go to the library, even if you vary the days and time of day, you will never bump into the librarian you want to bump into.
29. "That's a lot of watermelons."
30. The dog you're sitting doesn't know how to play fetch, but he's exceptionally good at playing "keep away."
31. Everyone will have a job, or something to do during the summer.  Everyone but you.  So pick up a book.  Or three.
32. "Where do you wait for the buses?"  "Over where it's labelled 'buses.'"  Thanks, I can read, I was testing you under these unusual circumstances.
33. Coffee Hound espresso is infinitely better than any other espresso and you will be reminded every time you buy a coffee drink from anywhere else.
34. After a couple ciders, always be careful when you choose to turn your head to kiss your boyfriend.  That head in the way does not belong to him.
35. Yes, you can quote "The Doctor's Wife," but that doesn't mean you should.
36. Be careful how enthusiastically you twist your neck.
37. Never make promises you don't intend to keep.
38. New things come out on Tuesdays.
39. You will visit Barnes and Noble WAY too many times during the summer, but you will buy too few books (a.k.a. none).
40. A complete stranger will hear your conversation and assure you and your friends that he "can do the tongue thing."