Not A-Muse-d

I would like to take this time to set the record straight. No, I am not Greek. Yes, I am a muse. No, that does not mean that I'm going to inspire you just by being in your general presence. And no, I don't inspire just anyone. No matter how many times I explain to people, they always manage to come up with the most ridiculous questions to ask, and more often than not, they're the same questions I've answered a million times.

I live in New York, I've never been to Greece, nor will I ever go to Greece. I live in a very nice apartment down the street from a very bohemian cafe. And no, that's not a coincidence. I like the music there, okay?

I bake. Yes, bake. One taste of my famous cupcakes would have even the dullest office worker singing his own original show tune. That's right, cupcakes. Inspirational cupcakes. None of that magic touch stuff or divine inspiration, just plain old ordinary cupcakes that happen to taste pretty awesome. If I do say so myself.

But I do know people who inspire differently than myself. I mean, I can pretty much choose who receives these cupcakes. But then there are some people like that one muse who does inspire people by touching them. Boy do I feel sorry for him. Especially since he's one of those clumsy guys, always tripping all over himself, bumping into random people and sending them off to write sonnets. That whole Harry Potter fiasco? His fault. None of that was supposed to happen. That whole seven book phenomena was not supposed to exist, and now that random Scottish lady's raking in the...whatever kind of currency she uses. And who can I take credit for? A couple indie rock bands. At least I inspired them on purpose. His were all accidents. Lucky bastard.