Sunday, December 25, 2011 | By: Brianna

Things I've Learned About Family

This holiday season I've gotten a chance to learn about my family and family in general.  I mean, the holidays means that you spend a lot of time with your family, so it only follows that I'll learn some little tidbits.  So here are just a few things I've learned so far this break and holiday season:

  • "I got this already!" is only a cute reaction when it comes from a 5 year old.  You will find this irritating regardless of how old the kid is.
  • Small children and dogs are similar in the sense that they know that you don't want to have anything to do with them...and they will attach themselves to you.
  • Always read the author's note.  If you don't, your book group will spend the majority of your group time talking about it.  Because no one read the book itself.
  • "Going on an adventure" includes disputing the distance to the library, driving there and making circles around the parking lot, searching for a movie, and then losing the car in the parking garage leading to a walk around the parking garage accompanied by whines of "Where's my caaaaaarrrrrr?!"
  • Seeing your cousins three days before Christmas means you get a ton of ideas for riddle tags.
  • "I don't know if I should eat mac and cheese."  "Then don't."  "But I kinda want some."  "Then eat it."  "But I..."
  • Cousin: The highest note I can hit on the trumpet is a high C.  Me: I can hit that with my voice... Cousin: Do it!  Me: *cough* I'm not warmed up...
  • Someone thought it was a good idea to stick their branding iron into dough and then into boiling oil and then my mother thought it was a good idea to replicate.
  • Make the protein powder optional.
  • Hanukkah pajamas are better than regular pajamas.  You don't celebrate Hanukkah.
  • Dish rags are better than paper towels.  This is a family dispute.
  • "At least it wasn't Snuggies this year."
  • Your uncle and your grandmother care about your feelings.  They too were scandalized by the questions you were asked at Thanksgiving.
  • Angel food cake = glorious
  • You will wake up when your parents start talking about how you're "out."
  • Your brother cares about you and your student debt.  He also knows you better than you think he does.
  • Your grandma is better at the "giving fire engine ornament gifts" game than your uncle is.
  • No, Grandpa, you can't have the angel food cake.
  • Your uncle gives the best book marks...
  • You're in college, but Santa will give you an inflatable lightsaber.


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