Wednesday, September 7, 2011 | By: Brianna


[This is all I could think of to write today, so yeah.  Still working up the courage to revisit that "Little Shop" post down there.  We'll see.]

I am silently judging you for riding your bike.  It's not the general fact that you're riding your bike, it's because you're riding it through the quad.  I know where you live, I've seen you going into one of the residence halls that are in the center of campus.  I just want to ask you why you're riding your bike right now.  Okay, I get it, three steps is a really long walk to the science building, and unlocking your bike, riding it, and relocking it is a much quicker way to get to class, but really?

Our campus is tiny.
Please walk.

If you live off campus, I understand.  Bike.  Much more sustainable than driving, more efficient than walking.  I get it.  I'm okay with that.  But if you live in the hall that I live in, and you're seriously going to bike across campus just so you can get to class in 3 minutes instead of 5, please don't.  Really.

You are a hazard to pedestrians.  You may think that you have the right of way because you're on this person-powered monstrosity that you picked up at your local garage sale this summer, but if you're thinking that, you would be wrong.  There are more pedestrians than there are of you, and if you run me over, I will slash your tires.  And cut your bike chain.  Oh.  And your brakes.  I'll take care of those too.  You don't know how to steer, and you're riding on the sidewalk.  Go home, please.  Put on some walking shoes and suck it up.  Five minutes is really not that big of a deal.

Let's talk to students on campuses larger than ours.  Yeah, they're biking.  They're also taking buses so they can get to one of the many dining halls on campus.  You are not.  You can walk to our only dining hall.  And if you're late for class in the music building, jog that distance, and you can count it as a work out.  Please don't ride your bike through campus.

Because I'm silently judging you every time I see you.

I don't care if you're wearing a helmet.  And kneepads.  You're in my way, you're irritating, and you really need to get off that bike and walk.  Park it somewhere on campus and pick it up after you're done with classes for the day.  Do NOT ride your bike through campus, I beg of you.

I can't wait until it's too cold to ride bikes.  What will you do then?!

"The bicycle, the bicycle surely, should always be the vehicle of novelists and poets."
- Christopher Morley


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