Hitchkratz's Guide to the Galaxy

Today I'm answering the wish of one of my friends.
Well, two of my friends.

That and there are going to be changes made to "Wish Monday."  Instead of doing a "Wish Monday" segment, because that's full of longing and sometimes whining, I've decided that I'm going to shift focus to answer the wish of my friend, Melbourne, and record my life knowledge.  Because I know so much.  So will begin a segment titled "Hitchkratz's Guide to the Galaxy."  (Thank you, Tom!)

This shift was prompted by a status post on my Facebook that listed a number of things that I learned over the course of the past two days (today and yesterday) while at orientation for my brother in Iowa.  I've been to Iowa before, but I've never been to University of Iowa.  Well, not inside any of the buildings.  For the past two days, the only building I spent any substantial time in was the Iowa Memorial Union, more commonly referred to as "the IMU."  Which I pronounced "I-MOO."  Because that's just the way I am.

Today I learned that when you're in Iowa City at 8-ish AM, nothing is open.  When you're in Iowa City at 9 AM, nothing is open.  In fact, nothing of interest is open until 10 AM.  I learned this because when in the company of my mother, I learned that she would be sitting through all these boring academic sessions.  I decided that I would explore Iowa City (at least a part of it) and browse the shops in the mall.  So after dropping off my mother at the I-MOO, I climbed up the partial hill to get to the mall, which I discovered was open.  To my dismay, all of the shops were locked up with those funky cage-like mechanisms.  All I wanted to see was the Silver Spider because it has a lot of neat little trinkets in it, but I gathered that it wouldn't be open for a while.  So I sat down to read some of Jane Eyre and wait till 9:00.  When 9:00 came and went and none of the stores near me were opening, I could only assume that they would be open at 10:00, leaving me another hour to kill.  I killed this hour by sitting outside for a little bit and doodling, making a list of things I want to put in a "you're going to want this at college" box for my brother, and browsing a TINY grocery store.  I sat in front of the Iowa City Library for a little while before I noticed the sign that said it opened at 10.  Once the clock finally struck 10, I went back to the mall and looked at the shops I wanted to see before returning to the library so I could check my e-mail.  Of course, there was nothing exciting to see, except Facebook thought I was hacking into my own account because someone in Iowa City was logging in as me.  Even though it was me.

I also learned that bridges are meant to go across rivers.  Walking around with my mom, we were talking about where this pretty green bridge behind the I-MOO went.  I asked her, "Hey, where do these stairs go?" And she responded, "They go up." (Ghostbusters)  It was one of those moments.  We watched the icky gelatinous pollution float down the river for a little while, and explored the far side of the bridge very briefly.  Nothing too exciting, just a busy street and some sidewalk.  Typical.

There were some other things I learned, but those are the most essential things to visiting Iowa City for a single day!

"Is this heaven?"  "No, it's Iowa."

- Field of Dreams

Monday Wish

I wish I had an Invisibility Cloak.

[around 3:00 is when it really gets into Invisibility Cloak things]

Not so I could kick weiner dogs or watch everyone cry at my funeral or read over people's shoulders...but really so I could avoid people.  At large events, family parties, school, anywhere.  I can imagine it now...

Mom:  Brianna!  We're going to this really big event that we want you to come to!

(Brianna scurries around her room looking for something.  As she does, she throws papers into the air off of her desk, and clothes out of her closet.  It seems she's been looking for a while considering the pile of things that are out on the floor.)

Brianna:  Coming!  I'll meet you there!

(Downstairs, a door opening and shutting can be heard while Brianna continues her search.)

Brianna:  AHA!  

(Brianna pulls out a cloak made of shiny, unclassifiable fabric and throws it over her head.  The scene melts into Brianna's invisible self going to this large-scale event and standing behind her mother and father who are speaking to a small and skinny pock-marked somebody (Somebody 1).)

Somebody 1:  I really wish Brianna was here, I haven't seen her in years and we really need to catch up.  I mean, I need to remind her of everything we've been through.

Mom:  That's weird, she said she would meet us here.  (looks around, but not holding any hope that she'll find Brianna just by glancing around.  Brianna stifles a laugh underneath the Invisibility Cloak.)

Somebody 1:  Well, if Brianna's not here, I better take off.  I have a miserable life to live and I don't want to bore you.

Mom:  Oh no, that's fine, it was good talking to you, I'll let Brianna know you were looking for her.

(Somebody 1 walks away, mildly dejected, but content to live on with their life Brianna-less.)

Brianna: Tell me what? (approaching as if from a distance)

Mom:  Oh, never mind.

Scene.

Invisibility Cloaks would also be useful so that people don't sneak up on me.  I'm a really jumpy person, and as such, people tend to sneak up on me.  Not purposely, at least not all the time...but there are times when malicious people decide that it would be a really great idea to sneak up on me and scare me out of my mind.  It doesn't take much effort on their part, and then all of a sudden I'm jumping out of my skin and my heart is beating a swift paced drum solo.  Which is not fun, let me tell you that.  I recover, of course, I just have to put my breathing exercises to use.

Monday Wishes

I wish that it was socially acceptable to carry around a kazoo and accompany yourself with kazoo theme music. It would be especially useful when walking down the sidewalk so you could kazoo at the large group of men who take up the entire sidewalk, alerting them to your presence, and politely requesting them to move out of your way.  It would be really nice in the middle of class because you could provide your professor with sound effects when he announces a test.

But really.
Today I wished: "You know, I kinda want to bunk my beds for the last three days that I'll be here."  I made the fortunate mistake of saying this in front of three of my friends while they were hanging out in my room.  Their immediate response was: "Let's do it!  Right now!"  So all of a sudden I was digging through the drawers of my desk for the bunk pins.  With four of us, it was ridiculously easy to bunk my beds.  In fact, it might have taken a grand total of 45 seconds to bunk my beds.  And now I have a bed...with a ladder!  I'll be sleeping on this bed for four nights, but hey!

Melbourne wished that I would blog about my bunk bed.  And our friend (and my resident) made the excellent point that I wished for bunk beds and that wish came true!  So here I am, blogging about my bunk bed.  There's a ton more floor space, "so much room for activities!"  Also giving me a good amount of room for me to throw all of my things around while I'm packing.  Which is going to be ridiculously useful.  Sure, the basket where I keep my glasses is now far away from the head of my bed, but that's alright because it's only four days.

I slept in a bunk bed during my freshman year, but I slept in the bottom bunk, so I feel like that doesn't really count.  Last year I also slept in a bunk bed during first semester, but on the bottom bunk again.  That semester it was a little different because it was actually three beds bunked on top of each other.  I was in the submarine berth, the shortest bunk out of all three.  Obviously the top bunk had the high ceiling above her, and the middle bunk was pretty spacious, you could definitely sit up in it...mine?  For mine, I had to dive into my bed headfirst and shimmy under my covers.  It was so dark in that bed, it was impossible to read in bed.  Especially because I didn't have one of those fancy clippy lights.

But today I have a bunk bed.
A wish come true!

"No, bunk beds are cool!  A bed!  With a ladder!  You can't beat that."

- The Doctor

Monday Wishes

Wish I was here...

This is my Monday Wish. I wish I was here. Well, there.

Meet Doctor Who. Doctor Who is a British science fiction series that started back in the 1960s and ran until the mid-1980s, if I'm not mistaken. The reason the producers could run it for so long is because The Doctor (the main character) is a Time Lord (aka not human) and every time he "dies," he actually "regenerates," giving him a new face and allowing the producers to hire a new actor. Which is really clever, if you ask me. The Doctor you see above is the 10th Doctor as played by David Tennant. After the Doctor Who movie, the show went on a hiatus until about 2005 when it was brought back with the 9th Doctor played by Christopher Eccleston. Long story short, this is part of the new series, and a lot of younger folk whose parents might have watched the original series are getting into the show. It's run on BBC and BBC America, and if you don't have access to either of those, you can watch it instantly on your computer through Netflix. Thank you, Netflix!

But back to my wish. I wish I was there, right next to The Doctor. Or maybe off to the side and out of the camera's reach. You see, The Doctor has these companions who he takes on all these adventures through time and space, and I want to be his companion. Not just on the set, but in real life. I want to step inside that funny blue box and gasp, "It's bigger on the inside!" and really take off to some unknown planet. I can just imagine what my first meeting with The Doctor would be like:

(A college residence hall building in the United States. Midwest. If you looked out a window and squinted enough, you might be able to see corn fields. Inside, on a floor lined with doors, the TARDIS sits situated directly between the doors labelled 408 and 412. The Doctor is hanging half out of the door to the TARDIS, seemingly adjusting the door which doesn't seem to be cooperating. He's mumbling about the queen and how he had promised that he would be at the wedding, but the TARDIS has been unreliable of late.)

(The door that opens onto the floor squeaks open and slams shut behind a 20-something year old girl with golden blonde hair and black plastic rimmed glasses. She doesn't notice the TARDIS at first because she's digging in her backpack for her keys. By now the TARDIS door is completely open and The Doctor is puttering around behind it. The girl, seeing the light spilling from inside the TARDIS thinks it's her door that's already open, and turns to enter the TARDIS. Once inside, she looks around, takes in the control panel and the size of the place and shakes her head. She walks out and The Doctor pokes his head out from behind the door. The girl walks in again and her jaw drops.)

The Doctor: Excuse me, I hate to be rude and all, but people don't usually just walk into other people's police boxes...

Brianna: Sorry, you're parked in front of my room.

The Doctor: Am I? (crosses the center bit of the TARDIS and opens up a door on the other side that didn't previously exist, exposing a bland door covered in colorful labels heralding it to be "Brianna"'s room) So I am.

Brianna: Do you know how long you're going to be? Because I have class in half an hour.

The Doctor: Well, it could take a while. Well...maybe not. You might as well stay for lunch. And then...come with me?

Brianna: Go with you where?

The Doctor: Anywhere. Anywhen. You pick!

Brianna: Sure! Mind if I get my knitting?

The Doctor: Not at all! What are you knitting?

Brianna: A Doctor Who scarf.

Scene.

Okay, maybe it would be a little better than that. Because The Doctor might actually be a little more confused, and I wouldn't be nearly as bland. Well, in the second draft of my wish it'll be better, that's for certain.

Anyway, I would love to travel with The Doctor. Run around while being chased by strange looking aliens that really just want to be loved, meet The Master and find a way to defeat him...again, explore the endless corridors in the TARDIS and check out that swimming pool and library The Doctor's been talking about... I want to visit the Medieval era just for a little bit because I wouldn't want to stay some place that was so ridiculously patriarchal. And the 1920s in Chicago so I could dance like a flapper. He would take me to planets on the other side of the galaxy where the grass is purple and everything has a pink tint to it. I would be scared out of my wits and have a bucketful of fun. He'd call me clever, and I'd say he was crazy, and we'd zip off on another adventure.

"Not impossible, just...a bit unlikely!

- The Doctor