More Things I've Learned at Home

Even when you're at home, out of school, you learn some things.  And seeing as I'm going to be leaving home for a job in Nebraska, it seems fitting to post this now.

1.  The people who go to free library or community events are typically the same age as your grandmother.
2.  If you knit for long periods of time, your fingers can seize up.
3.  Marshall Field's will always be Marshall Field's.  The walking tour guide said so, so it has to be true.
4.  You may follow your stomach down Epic Lane, and find yourself on an Epic adventure you didn't expect.
5.  Go to the House on the Rock in the summer.  Or go in the winter, freeze your toes off, and get a personalized tour.
6.  The creepy people will find you.  And they will talk to you.
7.  "Oh, you must have a teen at home.  Oh--oh, you just like reading...well keep reading..."
8.  The day you want to go to the library to get a movie, they will be closed.
9.  Sometimes you need to bring a bodyguard.
10.  There are significantly more interesting things to do around the city that aren't necessarily advertised or Google-able.
11.  Storytelling is beautiful.
12.  Pre-screening interview?
13.  They're your parents, so they're going to ask you where you're going and when you're going to get back.  You'll be lucky  if they don't ask who you're going with so you don't have to say, "Well...no one..."
14.  The days when you write a to do list and accomplish all of your tasks will be your more fulfilling days.  Make more of those.
15.  The cheese curds are good.  The service, not so great.
16.  "Don't mess with her, she doesn't have a pancreas!"
17.  Right hand turns on red lights are more important than the life of a pedestrian (she says after basically being hit by a car, thanks lady!).
18.  You've been to this building multiple times, you know that the elevator goes to the 8th floor, and yet you still insist on taking the stairs up to a locked door and getting lost.
19.  Not all people will understand your sense of humor and you need to be okay with this.
20.  Sugar does not alleviate caffeine jitters.
21.  Keep on writing your e-mails the way you do, because it's awesome.
22.  Sometimes being 22 is rough.  Other times it's great.  Find the in between.
23.  Demon wine.  Never again.
24.  Irrationality.  All over the place.  All the time.  And that's okay.
25.  I can't remember what I did for fun when I was 12, and I guess that's going to have to be okay.
26.  Trekking up and down all the stairs in my house is an ordeal.
27.  Interesting people are few and far between.
28.  If you bring someone to a party with you and share a drink with them, chances are the people around you will assume you're "together."
29.  NaPoWriMo exposes you to interesting poets and poetry sites if you're inclined to take a gander.
30.  Always be prepared to cry during a Doctor Who episode.
31.  Okay, so insufferable and cruel characters can turn out to be endearing and clever.  Thanks for proving me wrong, Logan Echolls.
32.  When given a number of songs to include in a playlist, you may exceed this number.  By a lot.
33.  Make change.  Yeah.  That's a pun.
34.  Carry cash.
35.  The El is awesome.  The end.
36.  Chances are there is parking where you're going.  Although 95% of the time it will be permit only parking or you'll have to pay.
37.  You'll remember the knot when you get there.
38.  You may expect to see a lot of slave Leias at the comic con, but chances are you'll only see one, and her boyfriend will be dressed as...himself.  Disappointing.
39.  Be careful who you're talking to when you joke about stealing something off a person's table.  That person just might be the writer.  Oops.
40.  Stairwells.
41.  Honesty and a lack of secrets bring you closer to a person you didn't think that was possible for.  If that makes any sense at all.
42.  "We deserve to be more than 'just' anything."
43.  Painting yellow over gray takes far more coats of paint than you originally anticipated.
44.  The thing you will miss most about college is the community.  Specifically the creative community, but also the school family.
45.  When you come home, you'll realize that having a roommate was really kinda nice.
46.  Sometimes there is an unspoken deadline.
47.  Poems sold from a gumball/vending machine are the best poems.  Well, best poems for the fifty cents you pay for them.
48.  That person you met once is now following you on all social media outlets, and you just want them to go away.
49.  There are some people who you really want to be friends with, so when you finally do make friends, this is a huge and worthwhile accomplishment.
50.  The opinions of some people matter more than the opinions of other people.
51.  Poetry readings in an apartment or a bookstore, infinitely better than poetry readings in large spaces.
52.  The poet recognized your face too, you don't have to feel dumb for not recognizing him at first.  Oops.
53.  "Are you sure you can live in a small town?  I mean, you are from Chicago..."
54.  My room will always get significantly worse before it's even close to being clean and straightened.
55.  Sometimes doing the right thing is more difficult and hurts more than doing what's easy, but in the long run, it'll all be okay.

"Puttin' on a cowboy hat and a pair of boots doesn't make you country; Like puttin' on a ball gown and heels won't make me Cinderella."

- Kellie Elmore

The Poem-A-Day Project

The Poem-A-Day Project started on a whim in September of 2011.

(BRIANNA and KATIE are two college students, walking back to their residence hall on September 1, 2011.  It's a beautiful day, and they're crossing a parking lot.)

KATIE:  Hey, you know that challenge where you write a poem every day for a month?

BRIANNA:  Yeah, that's crazy.  I don't know if I could do something like that, I'd probably give up the first week.

KATIE:  Yeah...

(pause)

BRIANNA:  Wait a minute...it's September 1st!  Wanna give it a try?

KATIE:  Yeah, okay!

On that day, it began.  Every day I put a poem in Katie's mailbox, and she became September's "Poem Keeper."

It didn't stop after September.

Each month I had a different Poem Keeper who I gave the month's poems to in order to keep myself from reading the poems and judging them in their rough and initially unpolished forms.  Poem Keepers could read the poems, but they couldn't talk to me about them until the end of the month when they returned the entire month's worth of poems and I read them from the perspective of never having read them before.

I thought I might stop after six months.  And then I thought maybe I would stop after I graduated from university.  Then I figured I might as well finish up the calendar year of 2012, but it didn't stop there either.

At this point, I've been writing one poem every day for almost two years, documenting my life and writing some really weird or fun things in a poetic form, and I have no idea if there's ever going to be a point at which I say that I'm done with this project.

What's in store for the Poem-A-Day Project now?  I'm looking for a way to bring my poems to the world.  At Printer's Row Lit Fest, I'll be at the table for Here's the Story with a gumball machine that'll dispense poems in little capsules.  And I'm working on putting together a manuscript of my favorite poems from the project.

Thanks for reading!  I'm always looking for tips, guidance, advice, or shouts of encouragement, so feel free to leave a comment, I will read them all!

"That night when you kissed me, I left a poem in your mouth, and you can hear some of the lines every time you breathe out."

- Andrea Gibson

P is for Physically Fit

Q:  What's up with the "P is for"?  I thought it was just "C is for Cookie..."

A:  Well, C is for cookie.

Q:  That's good enough for me.  No, but really.

A:  In high school, we had this thing called the "Grad at Grad."  It was a list of goals essentially that my high school wanted us to have achieved by the time we were a graduate at Graduation.  No big deal, right?  Goals are good.

They introduced the Grad at Grad our freshman year with an acronym:  RIPLOC.

Religious
Intellectually Competent
Physically Fit
Loving
Open to Growth
Committed to Doing Justice

I'm still amazed that I haven't forgotten it yet.  That's the power of a good acronym, I guess.  Anyway, sophomore year we had to meet with a member of the faculty or administration and talk about our progress.  How were we doing with getting to the Grad at Grad.  Somehow I got paired with the Dean of Students.  The big important dean who got to call snow days or force us to come to school in a blizzard.  I'm pretty sure I bluffed my way through most of that interview, but I was honest about "physically fit."  I said something along the lines of "Well, I used to walk to the bus stop, but then it started getting cold...and I walk to all my classes..."  And left it at that.  I never took a gym class in high school because I took fine arts all four years.  I'm not 100% certain why those are equivalent, but I'm totally okay with that because I really never wanted to take a gym class.  So the dean said I should probably work on physically fit but  it seemed like I was doing well with all the others.

Did I work on it?  Not at all.  Unless you count singing and dancing at the same time in theatrical performances, which I wouldn't really count, no.

In college I had to take P.E.  Because we're a liberal arts school and they like making weird things required for graduation.  So I plotted to take the easiest P.E. classes ever.  Which I did: Fencing, Badminton, Fitness Walking, and Cycling.  Although to be fair, cycling was the most difficult and most rewarding one that I took.  I liked it a lot.  In the end, I never really ended up "physically fit."

Then last semester, my friend and I went to the gym to lift and do things in the weight room, but that petered off because I'm a wimp.  Although we did really well for a couple weeks, I have to say.  I was impressed with us.

Source: Uploaded by user via Brianna on Pinterest

So I'm still working on it.
Yesterday I stole my brother's bike and took a ride on the bike trail near my house to the library.  It was pretty awesome.  Once I got home I was hot, sweaty, and gross, but I felt fantastic.  Probably because I went into it with some measure of excitement and came home confident.  Or the music on the radio was just really good that hour.  Regardless, I'm doing it again today.

I'm really excited about my new-found activity because it's going to give me something to do.  If I'm perfectly honest, I've been a bum for these first two weeks of being a college graduate, and that just makes me feel like a piece of fungus hanging out on a slice of bread.  And that's not only gross, but can't be healthy.  So...resolving to actually get outside and do something?  Yes I am.  Is it optimistic that I'll stick with it?  Absolutely.  But hopefully I can.

"It takes four weeks for you to see your body changing, it takes eight weeks for friends and family, and it takes twelve weeks for the rest of the world.  Keep Going."

I Will (Not) Miss Living in a Residence Hall

1.  I will not miss sharing a bathroom with 20 some odd other girls.
2.  I will not miss my next door neighbor singing opera at all hours of the day and night.
3.  I will not miss the boys on the floor below me blasting their rap music and yelling at video games.

4.  I will miss the programs and the bulletin boards.
5.  I will miss having an excuse to cover my door with my name.
6.  I will miss dancing in the lobby to "Build Me Up, Buttercup."

7.  I will not miss stupid people.
8.  I will not miss washers that explode.
9.  I will not miss drunken people stumbling down the hallways.

10.  I will miss the fellowship created amongst RAs who all have to deal with the same stupid people year after year.
11.  I will miss having a close enough relationship with my boss that I can rant and cry in her office and not feel awkward.
12.  I will miss having Desk Aides to rant to and their looks of bewilderment when they have no idea what I'm talking about.

13.  I will not miss random strangers following me into the building.
14.  I will not miss stains on the couches and needing to report said stains.
15.  I will not miss the people who leave the TV on in the lounge.

16.  I will miss having a friend down the hall who I can bother on a daily basis.
17.  I will miss piling into one person's room to watch a movie.
18.  I will miss rolling on my tile floor.

19.  I will not miss sweeping up broken glass.
20.  I will not miss the oodles of flyers that I have to find somewhere to post in the lobby.
21.  I will not miss people posting their own flyers on the front desk and in the elevator even after the million times I've moved them.

22.  I will miss the conference room and weekly meetings that are a lot more fun that I could have anticipated.
23.  I will miss using my mailbox as a storage compartment.
24.  I will miss being an RA.

Under Pressure

So I have a story that's due in a little less than 12 hours.  Said story must be 10-12 pages.  How many do I have?  Approximately 1.  This is my blog post for the day.

Alphabet

(I found a prompt that told me to write a blog entry that's 26 sentences long using the letters of the alphabet.  Next, I'm going to do a post that's entirely in questions, it'll be great.  Ready?  GO!)

All I've ever talked about on this blog is writer's block, writing, or things going on in my life.
Because I guess that's all I really have to go on, I mean, I haven't done much outside of write and participate in schooling things for the majority of my life.
Can't really imagine what it's going to be like out in the real world, although my prospects seem pretty alright right now.
Disney World might not be the most realistic place to start out my life outside of college, but that's what I'm going to do!
Everything about the real world, including the roommate situation for the Disney College Program pretty much terrifies me.
Fear's natural, right?
Grasping the whole "Future" situation has proven tougher than I might have thought originally, in the light of all this fear stuff.
Having friends definitely helps for the most part, just not when they're hopping on the "I can't wait to get out of  here!" train.
I find that sad and mildly irritating.
Just enjoy where we are right now for a while, please?
Kiss slowly and savor those Present Moments.
(Like I didn't have enough random capitalization already...Present Moments.)
My boss says that the capitalization of "The Future" is making me more afraid/nervous/freaked out about the whole thing.
Not to discount random capitalization, but I'm pretty sure I'm just doing it to be a drama queen.
Oh, and because I like the attention just a little bit...
Pretty much.
Queen of drama, right here, especially when it comes to The Future.
Really though, I have my apprehensions, but at the same time I'm getting the sense that everything's going to turn out in the end.
Sounds cheesy, I know, but it really might not be so bad.
To think that I've gone from flinching every time the word "graduation" comes up in conversation to just wincing a little.
(Understatement.)
Very well, we're getting towards the end of this post where the letters are going to get increasingly silly.
We're just going to have to wrap this up in a little bit.
(Xylophone.)
You didn't see that one coming, now did you?
Zounds!

"My alphabet starts with this letter called yuzz.  It's the letter I use to spell yuzz-a-ma-tuzz.  You'll be sort of surprised what there is to be found once you go beyond 'Z' and start poking around!"

- Dr. Seuss

A Letter to Business Stats and Economics

Dear Business Stats and Economics,

You probably know me.  I'm the blonde girl sitting at the computer...front row, avoiding eye contact with her open e-mail as you write yourself all over the white board in black, sometimes green, marker.  You've definitely made eye contact with me, so you have to at least have registered that I'm around.  You with your unwavering scowl at the students who don't understand you.

Students like me.

When my professor's going over examples on the board and you're doing your happy little stats dance, I know what's going on.  The symbols on the board make sense to some extent.  Everything seems methodical.  When I'm reading the book, things make sense there too.  The bell charts look right, the examples stand out from the rest of the text, and I flatter myself that I might end up doing well in this class.

Then I attempt to do my homework.  And that's when I forget.  What's a t-distribution?  I'm not really sure what mu is for, but it's a good-looking symbol, I'd like to take it to the x bar before we catch some z's with the t-crit.  I'd like to see the curve on that bell and show it my degrees of freedom because the probability that I'll understand this problem is zero.  Might as well figure out something else to do.

It might be hopeless.  Which is okay, because my job prospects don't really involve numbers or statistics or the relationship between numbers and letters and statistics because thankfully I don't plan on being a math teacher.  I pray this never happens accidentally.  Business Stats and Economics, it'd be really great if I could Google you and you would tell me how you'd like to be done.  Would it help if I sprawled out across my tile in prime writhe position?  Or maybe cuddle up with my book on my bed?  Or maybe you'd just prefer the simple location of desk.  Because that's where my other homework gets done.  In theory.

Business Stats and Economics, I propose a truce.  I'll give you some lovin' if you'll be a little easier.

Love,
Brianna

"A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year."

- Marty Allen

The First of the Lasts

Yesterday was the first day of spring semester of my senior year.  I was reminded of this multiple times throughout the day, and I'm still in denial.  When I say I'm in denial, I mean that I'm really deep in denial as in upon mention of graduation, I squeak, cover my ears, yell at the speaker, or leave the room.  I can't handle it, and I don't believe that all my classmates are as okay with it as they appear to be.  There's no way they're all that certain of what's going on or going to happen.  Or maybe they are and I'm just overestimating the anxiety change can create in a person.  Or I'm projecting.

So it's true.  I'm going to have to start coming to terms with the fact that my schooling is nearly over.  After spending the majority of my life in school every fall, winter, and spring with summers off, I'm going to be free. Free, bored, and potentially employed.

But I'll have time to read.  And I'll have time to write.  Because I won't have homework to worry about.  I won't have bulletin boards to make, I won't have meetings to go to on my own time...
There are so many perks about the possibility of a life outside of school, but I still can't convince myself that anywhere and anywhen is better than the here and now.  I don't know what I would be like if I hadn't come here for school and if I hadn't applied to be an RA.  What if I had just gone to work straight out of high school?  Some people do that, what would it be like if I had done that?

So I'm giving myself an assignment of sorts.  I'm giving myself this week.  This week and weekend I'm allowed to worry about The Future, pretend it's not going to happen.  Come Monday, I will begin coming to terms with The Future.  I will start making to do lists that pertain to The Future, and I'll procrastinate by applying for jobs instead of playing on Facebook (ha, like that's going to happen...).  Next week.  I don't want to do the "this is our last first day of school" thing.  It's depressing.  I'd rather focus on the hope of The Future.  The hope for an adventure and security.  No "lasts" for me, just "firsts."

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end." 

- "Closing Time"

Remember Remember...

My November bulletin board

On a note completely unrelated to The Future...I'm required to make a bulletin board each month for my job. I have to cover this gigantic mammoth sized bulletin board with information and fun things.  I'm trying to keep my boards related to British things because my hall theme is Harry Potter...  So for November, I made a board about Guy Fawkes Night.  Mostly because I really enjoy V for Vendetta and I wanted an excuse to learn more about where it came form originally.

The board includes:
- The Conspirators (of The Gunpowder Plot)
- The Plot (reasons behind it, etc.)
- Impressions on Pop Culture (which gave me an excuse to talk about V for Vendetta)
- Lasting Impressions (Bonfire Night, etc.)
- Comics and pictures featuring Guy Fawkes or related things

A Letter to Conflicts

Dear Conflicting Events,

Hi, hello, I'm Brianna.  You probably know me already.  I'm over-involved.  But this isn't about me.

Anyway, I'd like to take a moment to congratulate you on the number of events that you're holding on campus!  Really, it's awesome that you've got so much going on!  There's movies, speakers, game shows (though I typed "shoes" the first time, game shoes...hmm...), dances, programs...you've literally got a sampling of just about everything that's good in life.  You've even got free food.  And what college student can pass up free food?  What human being can pass up free food for that matter?

With so much going on, it's a wonder that you keep it all straight.  There are Facebook events, flyers, there's the campus event calendar, the planner...sometimes I wonder about who's responsible for creating all of these things and I wonder if it's all the same person, because I notice some inconsistencies.  Especially in the student planner versus just about everything else.  I swear whoever puts together the planner gets a totally different calendar than everyone else.  Which probably doesn't do much for their self-esteem.  Which is sad and depressing.

My problem is that I have friends.  That's not really a bad problem to have, but it becomes a problem when my friends are involved in planning things.  Or organizing things.  Or performing in things.  You get the idea.  It's a problem because I have friends that are just as involved as I am.  So I'm obliged to go to their events.  And they're fun events, don't get me wrong, but there are also eight other events going on at the EXACT same time that I want to go to as well.  Which makes me want to be able to split myself off into eight separate parts so I can be at all places at once.

And though that would be really cool, part of me wonders if that's just a little too much like He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.  Or cloning.

And I'm not really sure how people would react to that.

Plus I'm nice.  I like being there for people.  I like lending support.  And I like going to events.  I generally like people.  I say generally for a reason, but this post is not the time to explain that one.  But yes.  I generally like people, and people go to events, and I get to see them, and I have fun, and it's great.  But I inevitably have to say "no" to one person if I say "yes" to another.  And that pains me.  Because occasionally I'm a good person.  I don't really like disappointing people.  Not that I think that there are people out in the world who think, "Hm.  Who can I disappoint today?  I quite enjoy disappointing people..." but you understand what I'm saying.

Conflicting Events, can't you just create a wormhole so I can see into all the different events at the same time? That way I don't have to clone myself or split my soul or anything painful like that.  And everyone's happy!  Right?

Much love,
Brianna
The Over-Involved One

Question Saturday

Q:  What's your interpretation of a recent dream you had?

A:  One of my keys was bent in half.  My RA key.  I would say that has something to do with my apprehensions about my job and fulfilling expectations to the best of my ability.  Performance evaluation this week, so...yeah.

Q:  Why do you think people say someone's "bananas"?

A:  Because saying that they're "kiwis" is weird?

Q:  Why is it important to be genuine?

A:  Because the alternative is so difficult.  If you spend all your time lying about who you are, what you like, where you're from, etc., it's just difficult to keep all the lies straight, and then if you figure out that the person you've been ingenuine towards is someone you actually would rather be genuine with....it would just be way too complicated to straighten out all the deceptions.  Besides, would they like your genuine self?  All sorts of complications there.  Being genuine's just easier.

Q:  What happens in the latest movie you saw?

A:  The latest movie I saw was Puss in Boots, and I would tell you about it...but it hasn't been released in theatres yet.  (Spoilers...)

Thank you to IWU Homecoming for giving us the chance to see Puss in Boots before it's official release!

Q:  What was your major in college?  How did you choose it?

A:  English Writing.  I knew I wanted to do something with writing.  At least, I was pretty sure.  It was a toss up between creative writing and theatre.  At some point in second semester of my freshman year I spent the majority of my time explaining my actions with "and that's why I should be an English major..." so I declared an English major because it was simple, natural, and it just felt like the right thing to do.

"Write a lot, but read even more."

- Amanda Hocking

Even More Things I've Learned

Today is a good day.  It's also a spectacularly good day for writing a list.  So here we go!

More Things I've Learned:

• Carry a fork.  It's good for eating ice cream, pudding, and eggs.  All in the same day.
• The Kool-Aid jammers (or whatever they're called) will not tell you where they're made/manufactured.  You will be convinced they come from China.
• Do not kid about buying alcohol for the underage resident of the underage RA who's with you at the time...
• There will be a question of coincidence versus fate when you pick up that trashy romance novel to find the name of a person you know in the synopsis.
• The cashier at Target will question your intelligence.  You will resent this because you go to the better school in town.
• The answer is always "pretend you like someone else" if someone's creeping on you.
• Ukulele on a porch swing?  Always yes.
• I've got the moves like Jagger.  Sometimes.
• My favorite fall jacket is eerily similar to my boyfriend's.  Although his probably doesn't have a hole in the pocket.
• Nothing in "Go Getter Greg" was planned...naaaah....
• Kyle just wants to dance.
• I am only semi-cliche.  (Teddy bear with a butter knife.)
• Hugs in parking lots.  That's it.
• Drinks that are neon-colored are delicious.  And taste like Kool-Aid.
• "I'll have a shot if she does."  Challenge accepted!
• Some contacts are frightening.
• Yes, you can make a scene in Target.  And Kroger.  And Jewel.
• Bats don't like being woken up and will not "glide" if you drop them in the bushes.
• Seize every "loppertunity" and push down dead trees.
• Hang out in the kitchen and you will get fed cookies.
• The Brat Stop is terrifying.
• River Song is only slightly better than I thought she was.
• Notes are always better and more educational if you write them in pretty pen.
• The first time you use your disappearing TARDIS mug, you will use it to eat vanilla ice cream (from goodness only knows how long ago) with a fork.
• You will wake up after a night on the town with a strange craving for greasy food.
• I have written over 40 poems as part of my poem-a-day project (and I have just realized that this can be made into the PAD project.  I'm not sure how I feel about this.)
• It doesn't matter how determined you are to "work" on Fall Break Day, you will spend the majority of your time travelling around town, ranting to your friend in a sorority house, and worrying about the work you need to get done.

That's all I've got for now, we'll see if I can learn more things before the end of this weekend!

"Personally, I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught."

- Winston Churchill

NaNoWriMo?

So it's October 4th.  I've successfully completed Poem-a-Day September, and I'm slowly moving into Poem-a-Day October with a different Poem Keeper for the month.  Methinks that if I continue throughout the year I'm going to use different people as Poem Keepers so that I have a different audience month after month.  Or I'll just switch back and forth between these two fantastic Poem Keepers.  I haven't decided yet because I'm not even sure that I'm going to extend this into November.

BUT there's something huger that happens in November.

National Novel Writing Month.  (NaNoWriMo)

So there's that.

I've never done NaNoWriMo.  For a couple reasons:
1.  It terrifies me.
2.  That's a lot of work to do all in one month.
3.  I'm already spread thin life-wise.
4.  It terrifies me.
5.  Did I mention it terrifies me?

I have two friends in a novel writing class this semester, and even that seems daunting.  The idea of writing an entire novel in the course of a single month just seems like insanity.  And yet the more poetry I write during my business classes, the more the idea appeals to me, despite the terror.  I know for a fact that I would have absolutely no time.  I already have no time, so I don't know where the novel-writing time would come from, but part of me wonders if that's where I can relocate my Facebook/Twitter time.  Though let's be honest, I would still do both of those things.  That would also end up putting this blog on the backburner, I know it.

But I'm thinking: why not?  I could always start it and see where it goes.  If I write something that ends up short but I manage to finish it anyway, that's something.  I haven't been writing a lot of prose lately because of the obvious reason that I'm not comfortable with it after the whole "let the Real Brianna write" fiasco that was my short story cycle class.  And also because I'm still suffering from a slight identity crisis in that I STILL don't know who the heck this "Real Brianna" is anyway.  I really just wish someone would tap me on the shoulder and say, "Hey, this is the Real Brianna, you should really sit down and chat!"  That would make my life infinitely simpler.

If I don't end up doing NaNoWriMo, I'm thinking that I still need to force myself to write some prose.  I've been in this state of poetic bliss recently, and that's great and all, but I feel not very well-rounded.  And then there's the guilt that I'm abandoning a form that I came into college believing I would write for all time.  Which is a strange experience, but I'm living with it.  So I'm thinking...a short story a week?  That could be do-able along with my poem-a-day project.  SO much writing, but it would be SO good for me.  Like eating vegetables.  Or exercising.  Or getting eight hours of sleep.  [We're going to bypass the fact that I don't do all of those things...]

So writing!  Let's actually commit to practicing, shall we?

"Be yourself.  Above all, let who you are, what you are, what you believe, shine through every sentence you write, every piece you finish."

- John Jakes

Goodbye Summer, Hello School!

This morning marked the first day of my last fall semester in college.  I'm a senior today.  Much as I hate to admit it, I'm getting old, and by the end of the spring semester, I'll be graduated and embarking on a terrifying adventure into the new world.  Let's face it today.  I'm a senior.  And I'm still terrified.

As I was walking to my first class this morning (which turned out to be Senior Seminar, if that's not a wake up call, I don't know what is), I saw on the sidewalk the words (or something very similar) "Good luck on your first day!" and "Good-bye summer, hello school!" followed by variations on "<3 Greek Life".  I also wandered around campus a little bit and found that the well wishes from Greek Life had been altered or erased in some places.  Someone had changed "Greek Life" to "Greek Death" in one place and drawn dead fish around it.  And others wrote that "good luck" and "go Greek" are unrelated.

Now.  Let me throw something out there.  I'm not in a Greek organization.  I have no desire to join a Greek organization.  Well, not a social sorority.  I'm in an honors fraternity for English, but I don't think that counts.  Anyway.  No desire.  So a little part of me was annoyed when I saw that all the well-wishes were surrounded by hearts from Greek Life and also suggested that the reader "go Greek!"  I'm a senior, I'm not joining your sorority, I feel like I've earned enough years to be a little annoyed that you're bombarding the campus with what I'd like to call propaganda...but a meeker force tells me I shouldn't.  So I won't.  Even though the thought and sentiment are there.

Anyway.  Despite my slight irritation, I still enjoyed the messages provided by Greek Life.  I'm not stupid enough to hope that I have a horrible day just because Greek Life says that I should have a good day.  Maybe it's me, but even though I don't connect having a good day with going Greek, the thought is still there.  Someone, presumably a stranger, wished me well this morning.  So I appreciate that.  I'm just going to ignore the "go Greek" because 1. I can't and 2. I'd rather not.  Which is a personal decision that I'm perfectly fine keeping to myself.  Other than this blog post which just happens to be advertising it...no one reads this blog anyway, right?  (Melbourne...)  Point being, I'm going to have a good day.  I appreciate the thought, so thank you, Greek Life.

To the person or group who decided to alter/change/erase those positive (though subliminally advertising-y) messages, there is a time and place for your ire.  I understand that you're upset.  I understand that you want to make a statement.  If Greek Life had only put "go Greek!" everywhere, sure, go ahead and change those if you're really upset about it.  But are you really going to be so petty as to alert everyone to the fact that having a good day isn't connected to being in a Greek organization?

People who want to join a sorority or a fraternity are going to join regardless of whether you cross out "life" and replace it with "death" on the sidewalk.  If they're super dedicated to the idea of joining, that might even cause them to defend the Greek system against your wrath.  Partly because it's childish.  And partly because their loyalty has already been won.  So maybe I'm telling you it's a hopeless cause...but really what I'm trying to say is that it's a personal decision.  They have to choose for themselves, and ultimately it doesn't matter how many "go Greek!" flyers or chalk drawings they see, they're going to choose whether or not they join.  (for the most part, I'm not going to go into the Recruitment process because that's not the point)

What I'm saying is: back off.  There is a time and place for your anger, but the first day of school on chalk drawings that say "good luck" is neither the time nor the place.  Please, I beg of you, don't spread negativity on words that were meant to be innocently positive.  I remain optimistic that the people who were responsible for the original chalk messages meant first and foremost to wish everyone on campus a good day.  Their intentions were mostly pure.  Don't alter their messages just because you don't agree with who wrote them.  Would you do the same to Habitat for Humanity if they wrote inspiring messages and then asked you to join them?  No.  Probably because you would have to be really silly to do that...but come on now.  We're all adults here.

Aren't we?

Elle: I promised her, and I can't break the bonds of sisterhood.

Professor Callahan: Screw sisterhood!  This is a murder investigation!  Not some scandal at the sorority house!

- Legally Blonde

Door Decs

So I feel like I should have promised to share my door decs with all of my adoring fans.  Because they're pretty much amazing.

All I did was take foam rectangles and cut out the shield outline.  With the scraps I could make the top bit where the house name goes and with the scrap from the other color, I could make the bit where the RA's name goes.  I used puffy/fabric paint to write the names of the houses and the RAs.  And I got the badger, eagle, lion, and snake heads from wallpapers that I found here: http://ibuki-san.deviantart.com/gallery/?offset=24.  I basically printed them out, laminated them, and glued them to the foam pieces that I had already duct taped together.

Simple as that!

This is me!  Hufflepuff for the win!

Gryffindor rawr!

Slytherin, hissssss!

Ravenclaw, CAW!

"You might belong in Gryffindor, where dwell the brave at heart..."

- The Sorting Hat

On a Break, but More to Do

Today I'm on break from RA Training.  Yesterday being our last day, it was full of warm fuzzies and all sorts of happiness and joy.  I got to give a presentation about our chapter of the National Residence Hall Honorary (NRHH), and I personally thought I was awful, but a number of people I talked to said I was decent, so maybe I'm being overdramatic (Google, that has to be one word, be quiet).

We also played a game of Touch Someone Who.  Everyone sits in a gigantic circle facing outward and closes their eyes.  A handful of people gets chosen to go into the center of the circle, and the facilitator reads off these statements like "touch someone who inspires you."  The people in the center then go up to people who are still sitting and touch their shoulders if the statement applies.  Every time a statement was read, I sent out all the energy I could muster so the people I loved knew that I appreciated them for that statement.  Basically I made sure that even if I wasn't in the center, I expressed appreciation.  I may have cried when the statement "touch someone who has dreams and the ability to attain them" came up, and more people than I could count came up and tapped my shoulders.  And I had no idea how difficult it was to cry with my eyes closed until that.  So that was fun.  I also got tapped for a person people thought was patient, forgiving, a good listener, or a leader.  Walking away from that activity I always feel ten times better.

Yesterday was also when the top bananas of ORL and the president of the university walked around our halls and inspected the crafty things that we made.  So I stressed a lot on Friday night so I could finish the things I had started and then do the bulletin boards that I hadn't given a thought to.  Oh that was fun.  I finally crashed at about 2 AM and got up early so I could finish cleaning the desk and cutting paper.  Luckily I got it all done by the time I needed it done, but my bulletin boards are not as pretty as I would have liked them to be.  Which means I'll be tweaking them even now.

And there begins my to do list:

• clean my hall desk (I'm so close to being done!)
• create an inventory list and a list of things that can be rented from the desk
• create the lock out phone tree
• find a way to organize money in the cash drawer
• e-mail my desk aides and RAs
• laundry
• write my programming calendar to give to my boss
• read The Interpreter of Maladies (for the first year book discussion)
• neaten my room

And there it is.  Yay for to do lists!

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts."

- Winston Churchill

RETREAT!!!

Q:  What are you doing?

A:  I dunno, what are you doing?

Q:  No, really, what are you doing?

A:  I'm writing a blog post instead of putting velcro on my door dec thingys for my RAs.  Because I'm awesome like that.

I'm also waiting until the time when I have to be in the parking lot behind my building so I can go on a retreat with the rest of the RCA staff.  I have no idea what we're going to be doing, but I think it's safe to assume that I'll probably be outside most of the day, and I'll probably be doing something.  As long as I'm not writing a twenty five page paper about John Steinbeck, I'm a happy camper.

And then there's the scramble to get everything I need to have done before the RAs come done.  (That sentence was weird.)  So I'm doing a lot of stuff related to that.  Including (but not limited to) making door decs, making other exciting things, cleaning the desk, and generally staring at the pretty paper in ORL.

But today I get to retreat from all that, so I'm extremely pleased.

I Gotta Get Back to Hogwarts...(or school)

Q:  So whatcha doin'?

A:  Unpacking.

Q:  Oh?

A:  Yeah.  I'm back at school as of yesterday, and so I'm unpacking and figuring out where all my fun decorations are going to go.

Q:  You're back at school?  Isn't it a little early for that?

A:  For normal people, yes.  But for me, not really.  I'm only a couple days early for what's normal for me.  But because I have a big and important job this year, I have to get trained for that and learn how to be important.

Last year and the year before, I had to come early to school to get trained as a Resident Assistant (RA).  So that means that I got here a full week before the first years came.  I was required to go to all these sessions in order to learn the policies and what to do in case of an emergency, how to manage my time, and meet my fellow RAs.

This year is different.  This year I'm a Residential Community Adviser (RCA).  That means that I'll be responsible for managing the hall desk, help with team-building for the RA staff, build community within the building (go figure, right?) and take on campus wide duty (which roughly translates to crisis response).  I'm one of ten, so it's a large RCA staff, and we'll see how that goes with regards to team-building.  I'm a bit nervous about stepping up into a new role in the ORL family, but obviously I got hired to this position for a reason.

Last night was my first night in my new room.  I'm in the largest first year building on campus.  6 floors of first years, and all of them empty except for my room on the 5th floor.  I could hear every creak and shift of the building, and I kept imagining that I heard voices in the hallway.  I swear I got up to make sure my door was locked about eight times before I finally drifted off to sleep.  And then this morning I got to shower in the completely empty bathroom, which meant that I had my pick of any shower I wanted.  Which was nice...until I learned that the most desirable shower (the big shower) had a droopy spout.  Commence droopy jokes now.  Needless to say, I will be finding another shower for tomorrow.

My favorite thing about my room so far is my east facing window.  I love windows that face east because I love having the sunshine in my room in the morning.  It just makes sense in my head.  Plus it makes me feel like I'm at home in my old room from last year.

There's so much to do!  I've got some major laminating to do, and posting of things all over the hall, and figuring out what the desk looks like and what I can do to make it pretty and efficient.  Though I'm overwhelmed, I feel useful at the same time.  Because even though there's a lot to do, it all seems manageable.  Which is a comforting thought.

"I gotta get back to Hogwarts,

I gotta get back to school,

I gotta get myself to Hogwarts,

where everybody thinks I'm cool..."

- A Very Potter Musical

When Did That Happen?

So when did all my friends grow up into adults, leaving me behind?
When did being Peter Pan become so lonely?
When did it become suddenly apparent that I have no direction or plan for my life?
When did I realize that I'm not grown up?  That I rely on my parents way too much for a person my age?  That I know nothing?
When did the future become so daunting it inspires me to do nothing but stand and stare?
When did it all become utterly hopeless?
When did the major question turn into "so what are you going to do after you graduate?"?
When did planning for the future come into vogue?
When did we start talking about long-term relationships like they would end in marriage?
When did my plan to live in a cardboard box for the rest of my life become impractical?
When did spending my days writing from dawn until dusk become equally impractical?
When did the plans for doing what you love get sacrificed in favor of doing what pays?
When did the question of being left behind come into play?  We were all on the same page for so long.  All terrified of what lay before us, all uncertain, and now?  Now it's the same thing that happened senior year of high school, everyone else is dedicated to what they want to do and where they want to go, and Brianna is scribbling poetry or coloring with crayons.
When did being an adult become an okay thing?  We've spent so long clinging to our childhoods, playing in the rain, going sledding, doing stupid things in the middle of the night, and yet we're supposed to be serious adults?
When did "being an adult" translate into "being serious no fun person"?  Adults have fun without being completely juvenile, but sometimes you need to be a little juvenile to have fun.  If that makes any sense.
When did I start complaining about the squealing teenagers in the mall and how obnoxious they are?
When did the age difference become so glaringly apparent?
When did I renounce the tears over transition in favor of tears over identity?
When did finding a job become the most important objective of anyone's life?  Maybe this is just my optimistic and immature brain thinking, but shouldn't happiness be most important?  Regardless of whether you find a job right away (or at all), as long as you're happy, does it really matter?
When did we start small talking?
When did I start wondering what an adult acts like?
When did it become necessary to explain myself?
When did I have to define my dreams in terms of strategy?
When did "shoot for the moon" and "dance like no one's watching" turn into "shoot for the nearest office building" and "dance only if it'll help you in the interview process"?
When didn't talk of the future make me so apprehensive?
When did living in the present become a bad thing?
When did I start worrying that I wasn't an adult?  That I'm not mature?  That I act my shoe size rather than my age?  When did this become a problem to be solved?

"When did that happen?"

-Brianna (age 21)

A Bit of Advice

Q: What advice would you give to someone who was about to start college at your school?

A: Because I'm going to be working in a first year building for the second year in my Residential Life career, I should probably give this a little thought.  Even though I might not be interacting with the first years outside of crisis response-ness.  All the same...thought should be given.  Even though I'm not that great at giving advice.

Anyway.

When you get to school, do not go home within the first month of being there.  All of those annoying college books will tell you that you shouldn't go home the first month that you're away at school, and they'll give you all sorts of really important reasons, but the most important reason that I can think of is that that first month you're at school is when everyone is establishing friendships, building community and getting to know one another.  You don't want to be known as "the person who goes home every weekend," because once that happens, there's the possibility that people will distance themselves from you because you're not going to be around once the weekend rolls up.  So stay at school.

Make friends with your roommate.  This seems like a no-brainer, but I know a lot of roommate pairs who weren't friends with their roommate, they just lived with them.  And even though that's an acceptable relationship, and as long as you can deal with it, that's cool, but what I'm saying is that if you make friends with your roommate, you have an instant ally.  You have someone that you can hang out with all the time.  And you can always go to them for advice, help or support.  Living with that kind of support is really one of the best things about college.

Along that line of thought, if you're going to college with someone from your high school, please, please, PLEASE for the love of everything that is holy, do NOT live with them.  Because you will hate them by the end of first semester.  I promise.

More specific for my school....

On movie nights in Hansen, don't forget to get a raffle ticket.  It doesn't matter what movie it is, they're going to have raffle tickets at the desk in Hansen for when they raffle off the movie poster.  You're going to want a raffle ticket, because 1) they're free and 2) even if you never win anything ever...chances are you'll win something at Hansen.  And also, get popcorn.  It's also free.

Go to Hattie's for quick service and double punch Tuesdays.
Go to the Dugout for sub sandwiches.
Go to Tommy's for breadsticks.
Go to the Coffee Shop when you have time.  Lots of time.

Don't call the dining hall "Bertholf Commons," or every upperclassman on campus will know you're a first year.  It's called "Saga."  Don't question it...it just is.  Okay, let me explain.  Saga used to be the food provider before Sodexho.  It just stuck.  Plus "Sodexho Dave" doesn't have quite the same ring to it as "Saga Dave."

If the event is on campus, chances are it's free.  So go to it.  It doesn't matter if it's a cheesy program put on by your RA or an event organized by RHA or Student Senate.  Now is the chance to go to things that you never would if you were required to pay for them.  So go to the speakers.  Go to the pep rally.  Go to football games and concerts.  And even if you have to pay to see the play...you should go.  Because they're good.  Trust me.

Go to Ames, but if you want a study room, go early.  An hour really does make a difference.
Study in the Dugout, but only if you have time to people watch too.
Study in Hansen, but only if you can study with music playing over the speakers.
Study in CNS in an open classroom, stay for Amnesty International.
Go to Buck for the treehouse computer cubbies.
Go to Shirk for fitness classes.
Read on the quad.

Use your dorm kitchen.  Yes, it may be gross, so bring your own all-purpose cleaner and soap, but really.  Cook in the dorm kitchen.  You'll meet so many people just by making something delicious because they'll pass by, smell what you're cooking and stop to ask what it is.

Make friends with the Desk Aides, and your RA.  Because if you ever need something, they can help you.
Know people on RHA (Residence Hall Association).  Because they'll tell you what's going on on campus.
Say "hello" to your building's custodian.  Because they make life so much better in your dorm.

Join a group you're passionate about.  There's an RSO (Registered Student Organization) Fair at the beginning of the year, and nearly every club and organization on campus will have a booth.  So go and visit the booth for the Anthropology Club and sign up for Pseudonym Required's mailing list.  If anything, you'll get informative e-mails even if you don't go to meetings.  (See Brianna and Circle K.)

Skip class when you're sick.  Really.  Don't torture yourself.
Go to Health Services.  They have free cough syrup and cough drops and aspirin and condoms...

Dial "0" on any campus phone and ask the Main Desk to connect you to any public phone on campus.  Or just learn the last four digits of the number that you use the most.
Call your friend's room phone in the middle of the night.  It's great fun when your friend's an RA on duty and stays awake until 3 AM!  (Just kidding...)

Find a professor you like and take as many classes from them as you can.
Choose classes based on professor, not on what time it's at.  If you can help it.
Don't take all 8 AMs.  You won't like it, no matter how convinced you are that you "just got out of high school where you started at 8 AM every day."

Say "hi!" to people you don't know.  It's a small campus, you'll meet them sooner or later.  Plus it always brightens someone's day to know that someone took time to greet them.  It's just a word or two, and it only takes a second, so why not?

Scientia et Sapientia