Thursday, July 21, 2011 | By: Brianna

A Letter to the Craft Gods

Dear Craft Gods,

My name is Brianna.  I'm the girl sitting at the dining room table surrounded by newspaper scraps, colored foam sheets and a slew of pinking shears.  Or maybe I'm the girl on StumbleUpon (my greatest weakness) looking up craft ideas so I can make things out of Starburst wrappers or plastic grocery bags.  Regardless of where I am, I'm probably covered with ink or glue, so you can't possibly miss me.

I have a series of questions and comments for you, but I'll number them just to make everything simple for us.

One, how many of you are there?  It's just a matter of curiosity because I've never sent a letter to an unknown number of beings, so I should probably know how many copies to send so you can all consult your own instead of circulating one copy.  I would imagine you each rule over a different realm of the crafting world; one god for yarn crafts, one for paper crafts, one for sewing crafts, and one whole god for glitter.  Just glitter. It would also follow that there would be a god who manages all the financials for the group of you.  Perhaps a god of financial affairs.  Someone to take care of the crafting stores of the world.  Which brings me to number two.

Two.  Who is this god who manages the crafting stores?  I would like to pose a question about Michael's.  They have a good selection of just about everything from glitter glue to scrapbooking supplies to tie dye kits, but when it comes to sheets of foam, they just don't have what I'm looking for.  Having visited two different Michael's stores in the neighborhood, I was forced to conclude that only Hobby Lobby would answer my prayers for gray sheets of foam.  Why is it that Hobby Lobby is infinitely superior to Michael's, but can only be found in suburban areas?  Or in places like the town where my university is?  Is it because people in the city don't craft as much?  Maybe they don't have the time, but should that really be grounds to punish those of us who have both the time and inclination for crafts?  This gray foam is really a serious topic.  But I would like to take this chance to assure you that Hobby Lobby did indeed offer a wider selection of foam colors, and gray was one of them.  Thankfully.

Three.  Why is it that glitter glue costs $2.99 a bottle?  I'm not talking the gigantic bottles full of enough glitter glue to cover a small car, I'm talking the baby bottles of glitter glue.  $2.99.  Which is ridiculous.  You can get glitter glue in any color you can imagine (at Hobby Lobby) for the base price of $2.99.

Four.  I would like to thank you for your generosity today, because without you I would never have found the final color for the door decorations I'm making for the RAs on my hall staff.  I promise it would have been disastrous if I had been forced to spray paint white foam gray.  I can just picture myself purchasing gray spray paint now...probably more than $2.99, but at Home Depot.  I shudder to think.

I am forever in your debt.  May your generosity never wane.


"Other kids did drugs; I did crafts.  I never knew where I fit in."
- Kathie Lee Gifford


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