Monday, June 27, 2011 | By: Brianna

Hitchkratz's Guide to the Galaxy: Libraries and Dance Parties

According to The Hitchkratz's Guide to the Galaxy, a "library" is a place where strange bound bunches of paper called "books" are kept.  A tradition held on Earth requires silence within a library, and the enforcers of this silence are called "shushers," or more commonly as "librarians."

An example of a librarian from the historically accurate film, Ghostbusters.
Of course in other star systems such as TrifectaVeritas, silence within a library is not only frowned upon, but it is viewed as an insult to the deceased writers that are preserved within the legs of all the reading tables.  Therefore, great shouts of anguish or hysterical bouts of laughter are encouraged and applauded whenever they happen at quarter past the hour every day.  It can only be assumed that Earth tradition's silence requirement is a sign of respect for those who cannot read while others are chattering in their ears or listening to loud music.  To those people, The Guide tips their metaphorical hat and informs them that they should probably start learning how to read in the midst of distraction or die a painfully quiet literary death.

It is interesting to note that those libraries found within the city limits of a certain Midwestern city of the most powerful* country in the world lay empty, silent or depressing while the libraries in the suburbs of that same city host a line** of people prior to the opening of their doors.  And once the swarm of people enter the library, every possible chair/table/desk/swatch of floor space is taken up by someone reading, studying or just generally trying to look studious and possibly failing.

A neighboring entry in The Hitchkratz's Guide to the Galaxy outlines the method of starting a spontaneous dance party spontaneously and preserving the spontaneity of such an act.  Though dance parties are commonly accompanied by music and large groups of people moving around in some semblance to the rhythm pumping through people-sized speakers, The Guide insists that a dance party might be organized without music at all and with great distances established between dancers.  Dance parties without music in public places are strongly encouraged by The Guide as it is a sign of great joy or enthusiasm for life ahead.  But if music is found to be a necessity, then anything with loud bass and a lack of coherent lyrics is found preferable***.

* The Hitchkratz's Guide to the Galaxy cannot be found liable for wildly inaccurate facts or opinions if they're already widely held opinions that are just being repeated for your benefit.
** The Guide neither condones nor condemns standing in line for library openings, amusement park rides or the release of obscure video games.
*** The music referrals by The Hitchkratz's Guide to the Galaxy in no way reflect the opinions of the editors.  In fact, it may be said that the opinion of the editors is that fish may fly on zeppelins during Thursday afternoon tea.

"The loneliness was still there, but it was getting louder and easier to dance to."
- Unknown


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