Monday, June 20, 2011 | By: Brianna

Hitchkratz's Guide to the Galaxy: Reading

According to The Hitchkratz's Guide to the Galaxy, "reading" is an intellectual pursuit taken up by only the most sophisticated of persons, usually leading to a loss of eyesight or growth in overall knowledge.  The Guide goes on to explain that reading requires to use of a certain tool, what is commonly referred to as a "book," or what is referred to on the distant shores of the ocean planet Jettybega 7, a "rag."  (Though it should be stated that on Jettybega 7, the act of reading requires the reader to stand barefoot on the torn-out pages of an Earth book and stare down at it until the reader falls into a trance and topples over in ecstasy.)

To the average Earthling college student, reading is torture.  Whether it be the reading of a thick biology textbook or the reading of a rather enjoyable piece of avant-garde fiction that needs to be finished by the next day.  The Guide hypothesizes that this student attitude held towards reading stems from the primitive reactionary verbalization of "I don't wanna."  This being said, the "I don't wanna" reaction leads any college student to approach literature or what is called "homework," with particular dread.

When the summer season follows hot on the heels* of spring, Earth students are set free into the open air, far from textbooks and homework that they "just don't wanna" do.  Though some students might take advantage of this season to avoid any written work ever, some will pick up brightly colored, floppy  and shortened books called "magazines" or within some circles as "comic books."  And then still others will choose to read frivolous fictions or perhaps even Earth classics such as Jane Eyre and Webster's Dictionary.

Though the students who choose to pursue the classics should probably be revered by their classmates for their dedication to the written word, instead they are reviled and cast aside while their peers hiss at them.  Such is the cost of Earth intellectualism, or perhaps such within the summer months.  Once fall arrives and classes resume, those with the tenacity to continue reading in the midst of homework and the like are stared at in wonder, and asked if they have the time to do their roommates' homework as well.

* The Hitchkratz's Guide to the Galaxy can not be held responsible for any puns, cliches, offensive turns of phrase or innuendo that were actually a result of the reader's own interpretation.  The editors staunchly stand by their explanation that: "It's your own damn fault."

"Real luxury is time and opportunity to read for pleasure."
- Jane Brody


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