Monday, August 1, 2011 | By: Brianna

Hitchkratz's Guide to the Galaxy: Heat and Mini Vampires

The entry in The Hitchkratz's Guide to the Galaxy on "heat" is practically blinding.  This is due to the fact that the entry on "heat" is solar powered and takes in the rays of whatever sun happens to be nearby at the moment and lights up the entry and all of the surrounding text.

The Guide claims that "heat" is the absence of cold, and a temperature which is found to be uncomfortable for most people once it hits about 95 degrees Fahrenheit.  Red hot temperatures cause humans to emit a pungent odor due to the liquid being squirted from their many orifices, and sometimes even results in the outer layers of skin burning.  Aliens of different races such as the Gallafinacks change color in the heat, thereby leading to Gallafinacks being kept as pets in many of the galaxies outside of the Milky Way, and sometimes they are worn as mood rings by the giant races of the Tadpole Galaxy.

Heat has been known to make Earthlings angry or upset for no apparent reason owing to the fact that when the outside temperature exceeds their internal temperature, their blood literally boils in their veins.  It is not a pretty sight when an Earthling explodes, and quite a bit of clean-up involved.  (See CIA)

Heat has also been known to encourage the breeding of the endangered species known as "mosquitoes."  These tiny little bugs are actually mini vampires that can fly.  They suck the blood of innocent Earthlings and produce itchy spots all over their skin.  The skin of the Earthling, that is.  Earth is a designated preserve in order to encourage the preservation of the mosquito race.  Updates will be forthcoming.

"If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen."
- Harry S. Truman


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