Wednesday, August 24, 2011 | By: Brianna

A Letter to the Class Suck-Up

Dear Class Suck-Up,

Hi.  Hello.  I'm Brianna.  You probably don't know me because I'm sitting kitty-corner from you in the circle in that one class we had together.  We had another couple classes together during our college career, but I choose to forget those parts of my life because you were far too prominent in them.

So you like our professor.  I understand.  She's a nice lady.  I like her too.  She's my adviser, so I better like her.
So you've learned active listening.  Me too.  It's a good skill to have.  Especially when you're an RA like me.  I'm glad you possess the skill too.
That does NOT mean that you have to VERBALLY respond to EVERYTHING our professor says!  Non-verbal active listening yes.  Random comments and "oh yeahs" at everything?  Completely useless for the rest of us!  Spare us, please.  I beg of you.

I'm concerned that you enjoy the sound of your own voice.  I'm sure it sounds great to you when you're speaking and offering up commentary on every rhetorical question our professor provides.  Get that?  RHETORICAL!  Please do us all a favor and shut up.  For one class, I would like to write my notes in peace without having to hear you sharing jokes with our professor mid-sentence.  She was in the middle of saying something really important, and you laughed all of a sudden!  Unnecessary!  Please for the love of Shakespeare, close your mouth.  Please.

You know how professors tell us to have our personal conversations elsewhere?  I'm pretty sure that counts when it concerns having personal conversations with the PROFESSOR in the middle of class time!

And the accent?  I understand you just got back from studying abroad.  And I understand that you must have worked really hard to perfect that FAKE accent of yours, but please don't use it in class.  It's fake.  We all know it.  You know it.  Give it up.  If you have a desire to flaunt your pretensions in front of us, you can do it without a fake accent.  Please.  Have mercy on us.  Sure, it's even a good accent, I'm not disputing that, I'm just asking you to leave your study abroad vocabulary at the door.  I'm glad you learned something, I really am, but really?  You're really going to do that.  In the middle of class, you're going to whip out that accent like it's nothing.  No.  Not okay.

PLEASE.  For one whole class, if you can be quiet, I will buy you a pony.  I will personally walk this pony to your house and set it up in its very own heated stable.  It'll be a really happy pony, one that you can have all for your own.  Oh wait.  You already have a pony.

The Girl Who Just Wants to Learn Without Your Commentary


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