Tuesday, August 2, 2011 | By: Brianna

When Did That Happen?

So when did all my friends grow up into adults, leaving me behind?
When did being Peter Pan become so lonely?
When did it become suddenly apparent that I have no direction or plan for my life?
When did I realize that I'm not grown up?  That I rely on my parents way too much for a person my age?  That I know nothing?
When did the future become so daunting it inspires me to do nothing but stand and stare?
When did it all become utterly hopeless?
When did the major question turn into "so what are you going to do after you graduate?"?
When did planning for the future come into vogue?
When did we start talking about long-term relationships like they would end in marriage?
When did my plan to live in a cardboard box for the rest of my life become impractical?
When did spending my days writing from dawn until dusk become equally impractical?
When did the plans for doing what you love get sacrificed in favor of doing what pays?
When did the question of being left behind come into play?  We were all on the same page for so long.  All terrified of what lay before us, all uncertain, and now?  Now it's the same thing that happened senior year of high school, everyone else is dedicated to what they want to do and where they want to go, and Brianna is scribbling poetry or coloring with crayons.
When did being an adult become an okay thing?  We've spent so long clinging to our childhoods, playing in the rain, going sledding, doing stupid things in the middle of the night, and yet we're supposed to be serious adults?
When did "being an adult" translate into "being serious no fun person"?  Adults have fun without being completely juvenile, but sometimes you need to be a little juvenile to have fun.  If that makes any sense.
When did I start complaining about the squealing teenagers in the mall and how obnoxious they are?
When did the age difference become so glaringly apparent?
When did I renounce the tears over transition in favor of tears over identity?
When did finding a job become the most important objective of anyone's life?  Maybe this is just my optimistic and immature brain thinking, but shouldn't happiness be most important?  Regardless of whether you find a job right away (or at all), as long as you're happy, does it really matter?
When did we start small talking?
When did I start wondering what an adult acts like?
When did it become necessary to explain myself?
When did I have to define my dreams in terms of strategy?
When did "shoot for the moon" and "dance like no one's watching" turn into "shoot for the nearest office building" and "dance only if it'll help you in the interview process"?
When didn't talk of the future make me so apprehensive?
When did living in the present become a bad thing?
When did I start worrying that I wasn't an adult?  That I'm not mature?  That I act my shoe size rather than my age?  When did this become a problem to be solved?

"When did that happen?"
-Brianna (age 21)


Susan said...

Oh Brianna! Don't fret already! You've brought up some really good points, things that I've thought of lately, funny enough. But you have to look deeper and realize the confidence that you do have in what you love and how that can help you achieve a goal. Because that is practical! Knowing that you can love something so much that it can make you a living, even when that's hard...well that's why we're here! Unfortunately, life is 85% what you love and %15 practical. The practical part has to come in somewhere otherwise you can't keep being who you love and doing what you love. But you have to keep repeating to yourself: I CAN DO THIS! Because you can. It's all going to work out for the best, and I can say that with the utmost confidence because I know you. If you keep persevering, you will get what you want out of whatever adulthood is (I'm still wondering!). It's all going to be ok!!
(sorry this is obscenely long!)

Post a Comment